Once you pop, you can't stop...

I'm not quite sure who I am... I'm currently in limbo between the person I've known for 30 years, and the person that would always make me cringe (gym buff/health-nut)... not sure yet, which force is stronger, and which side I'll end up on...but for now, I'm here. Where is here? Well... "here", is apparently being super, super aware of the stuff I put into my body, and the reawakening of my body's muscular structure, which has been on a MASSIVE siesta for oh, about 13 years...It's time to wake up, bitch!

Anyone who knows me, knows that "heaven" to me, is, was, is, "was/is" a massive bag of chips, with super, ginormous iced cups of soda.  Nothing could be more perfect.  Sticky-hot summer's day? Grab your chips and your soda, and you're set... cold, chilly winter's night? Grab your chips, soda, and blanket, and you're set... it's all I knew...scratch that... I knew better...it's all I LIKED...scratch THAT...I liked many, many more...hell...I'm a damn trained Chef for God's sake...it's just what I did...and apparently, I've stopped doing that...for now? for good? I don't know just yet.  Is it an addiction? I absolutely believe it is...so we're workin' on that for now.  Does this mean I'll never ever have chips again? Hell no!!!!! After all... I DO like the stuff, and I do NOT believe in deprivation, whatsoever...however, exit deprivation, enter moderation...

After taking 2 classes (Zumba and Boot Camp), and doing weights at the gym last night and leaving 3 hours later, tired, exhausted, in pain, lightheaded, and near tears, I realized that the mentality that I had going into this of "I'll work out, and maybe once or twice a week allow myself to have the chips and soda, junk, etc., that I'm accustomed to and like, and since I'm eating better and hitting the gym, I'm still ahead of the game.."... Um...no... after a session like that, you start to think a little differently.  Note to self... remove "Epic Meal Time" from your YouTube subscriptions...

Are those two days out of the week WORTH losing what I worked SO hard to gain at the gym??? Why would I punish myself that way? So now, rather than sticking with that mentality, I've adopted a new one, which is allowing myself the recommended "cheat meal" per week, and keep my "treats" for special occassions, events, milestones, etc. For now, the 4th of July is a good enough special occassion to allow myself to loosen up a bit... I won't, however, be celebrating, say "Flag Day"...lol. A piece of chocolate here and there...a taste of something new, etc... that's all fine... but I won't be going on a massive fake food binge anytime soon! I hope...!

Happy Birthday, America! Can't wait to celebrate your birthday!  =)

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