Once you pop, you can't stop...

I'm not quite sure who I am... I'm currently in limbo between the person I've known for 30 years, and the person that would always make me cringe (gym buff/health-nut)... not sure yet, which force is stronger, and which side I'll end up on...but for now, I'm here. Where is here? Well... "here", is apparently being super, super aware of the stuff I put into my body, and the reawakening of my body's muscular structure, which has been on a MASSIVE siesta for oh, about 13 years...It's time to wake up, bitch!

Anyone who knows me, knows that "heaven" to me, is, was, is, "was/is" a massive bag of chips, with super, ginormous iced cups of soda.  Nothing could be more perfect.  Sticky-hot summer's day? Grab your chips and your soda, and you're set... cold, chilly winter's night? Grab your chips, soda, and blanket, and you're set... it's all I knew...scratch that... I knew better...it's all I LIKED...scratch THAT...I liked many, many more...hell...I'm a damn trained Chef for God's sake...it's just what I did...and apparently, I've stopped doing that...for now? for good? I don't know just yet.  Is it an addiction? I absolutely believe it is...so we're workin' on that for now.  Does this mean I'll never ever have chips again? Hell no!!!!! After all... I DO like the stuff, and I do NOT believe in deprivation, whatsoever...however, exit deprivation, enter moderation...

After taking 2 classes (Zumba and Boot Camp), and doing weights at the gym last night and leaving 3 hours later, tired, exhausted, in pain, lightheaded, and near tears, I realized that the mentality that I had going into this of "I'll work out, and maybe once or twice a week allow myself to have the chips and soda, junk, etc., that I'm accustomed to and like, and since I'm eating better and hitting the gym, I'm still ahead of the game.."... Um...no... after a session like that, you start to think a little differently.  Note to self... remove "Epic Meal Time" from your YouTube subscriptions...

Are those two days out of the week WORTH losing what I worked SO hard to gain at the gym??? Why would I punish myself that way? So now, rather than sticking with that mentality, I've adopted a new one, which is allowing myself the recommended "cheat meal" per week, and keep my "treats" for special occassions, events, milestones, etc. For now, the 4th of July is a good enough special occassion to allow myself to loosen up a bit... I won't, however, be celebrating, say "Flag Day"...lol. A piece of chocolate here and there...a taste of something new, etc... that's all fine... but I won't be going on a massive fake food binge anytime soon! I hope...!

Happy Birthday, America! Can't wait to celebrate your birthday!  =)

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M.I.A.~
I know...I know...5 months....well, crazy things happen when you decide to purchase a new car, new phone, new house... crazier things happen when you decide to do all three, at the same time! Let me tell you - NONE of it is easy work, it's all, well, CRAZY! So, that explains my hiatus from blogosphere.  I was actually thinking to myself about an hour ago that I need to get back to blogging, when I received a Facebook notification from someone who has apparently wire-tapped my brain, telling me to "Blog"... Well, she scares me, so here I am, blogging.... more on her later...

PURCHASES~
So yes, bought a car...2012 Honda Civic... it's not as "ooh-factor" as my old car (which wasn't quite "ooh-factor" to me), but it's reliable, it's economical, and cute, and I'm happy with it.  The phone- Droid Razr Maxx by Motorola - amazing phone. I abuse my phone like none other, and this puppy takes the beating and keeps on ticking - amazing battery life is a major plus in my book! The house - ugh - the house... this is a love/hate relationship.  Right now, I'm loving hating on all the things that bug me about the house, but in time, it will become a "home", and we will be happier with it. Just happy and proud that after 30 years of working her butt off, my mom owns a property, and is taking advantage of the pool and finally learning to swim lol!

SHE WHO SCARES ME~
I generally consider myself to be a fearless person. Bugs/insects that jump, scare me.... earthquakes, scare me, the dark, yes the dark scares me...commitment....ok that's another blog.... basically it's the "unknown" factor and anything I don't have control over...One day, for one reason or another, I decided that I need to get in shape (shut up)... so I decided that I would (once again) try to eat healthier... I'm the first person who knows that you can't get in shape with diet alone, and that I would have to take other measures to reach my goal....enter, exercise...

I decided that I would join a gym, so I could exercise, work out, TRAIN. Yes...I'm training. I've been told that that's the term that serious, dedicated people use, instead of "work out"... pshh... well I'm dedicated, and I'm serious, and so I'm training.  Enter- beast.  There are people who talk, and there are people who do... Beast, does, and does it mean.  What I want to know is, how can someone so pretty, be such a DICTATOR when it comes to training? Don't get me wrong...I heart her (no, I'm not 15, I just refuse to use the word l*** at the moment...see above commitment reference)... but she scares me.  She's apparently able to read my mind, and do something far, far more frightening than anything thus far... She's able to inspire, motivate, and choke-hold me into doing things that I normally wouldn't do, or think I could do. Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't get influenced, ever, by anyone. Except her apparently...

She's taught me that the near-death experience of pushing yourself to limits you didn't know you have, getting light-headed, puking, and sweating like a hippo wearing a fur coat in Kenya, in the summer, is absolutely ok, if not, desired.  She's helped me realize that I'm not really weak, and that I'm stronger than I thought I was. And every time I want to stop, well, she scares me, and I thank her for it. So there you go friends, my reasons for why I've been M.I.A., paired with my new developments of becoming the future female Tony Little... scratch that... I don't want to be annoyingly psycho....just psycho will suffice for now. Stay tuned!