Victoria's secret is OUT!....

And so are this model's toes!  Really, Victoria's Secret? REALLY?!?!??!?!?  Either she's got extraordinarily wide feet (which, I doubt a tiny model like she would), or, the wardrobe designers are cruel and evil and like to see them struggle on the catwalk.

Home Interior Nightmares...

To those who know me well, it's no secret that my list of hobbies and things I have a passion for runs a mile long, and continues to be added to... while the Culinary world takes shotgun on my road trip called life... art, music, nature, marine life, 99.9% of animals, crafts, fashion, sailing, travel, and architecture are just a few of the passengers that also travel with me at all times.

In recent months, we've decided to purchase a house, and let me tell you, the journey has been...well...interesting to say the least. It's amazing how much you learn in such little time when being thrown into the real estate game.  One thing I've learned is that people, for the most part, have ZERO regard for interior and space design. Don't get me wrong...I know that food, shelter, clothing, and education take top priority in life...having said that, you don't have to purchase a vintage William Haines' piece for your living room to make a design statement.  Even something as simple as the way you arrange your furniture can make a massive improvement on the overall feel and flow of your space!

Cramped cupboards, dirty carpets, countless cereal boxes on top of the fridge, clashing colors - the spaces I saw during my real estate hunt told me that these people have one purpose for their furniture, and that's functionality.  They've somehow failed to understand that functional can also be fashionable and tasteful! A simple $40 slipcover can turn your ugly 1976 plaid sofa from frumpy, to fresh!  I've been aching for good interiors after all the disasters I've seen, so I'll share with you my passion for what may be one of my absolute favorite styles ~ Hollywood Regency.

Hollywood Regency was born during Hollywood's Golden Age. West Coast film giants encouraged their designers to set their stage filled with glitz and glamour.  Focus was aimed at details, pops of color, textural variety, geometric shapes and patterns, luxurious fabrics like satin and velvet, lacquered finishes, mirrored surfaces, hints of animal prints, and a mix of Neo Classical, Chinoiserie, and Modernist styles. With so many elements, it's easy to see that one can go overboard in the blink of an eye - there is a fine line between perfect, and cluttered.  It takes a trained eye and keen sense of balance to get the perfect eclectic, glamorous, and pulled together feel that makes this style so amazing.

Hollywood Regency also has different stages, ranging from a fairly conservatively designed space with minor touches here and there, to a full scale dramatic room draped with design elements all over. This room, when looked at piece by piece, is definitely Hollywood Regency, though it doesn't scream it because of the heavier influence of Neo Classical touches:

Notice the attention to detail in the space on the left with the molding on the walls, the tufted and padded wall to the right, the glitzy mirrored vanity, and the complimentary tufted and padded stool with the chrome touches.  The mirror on the vanity, although it takes a fairly minimalist state by not being colorful or popping out, is on its own, quite ornate and glamorous!                                           

This room screams "balance".  There is a heavy geometric influence in this space - the circular mirrors, the boxy white sofas with pops of black colored pillows, the squares in the French doors mimicking the beautiful checkered beams in the ceiling, and the chrome detail on the sofa table, slightly resembling a Greek Key pattern...and last but not least...the dog from "Friends"? Remember, whimsy punches are a must in Hollywood Regency!

Speaking of whimsy - a giant Liza Minnelli poster is just what this room ordered! The mirrored credenza plays with and reflects all the light and sparkle that this room offers. Add in a white fur area rug, and a sparkly gold lame throw on a velvet couch definitely amp up the glamour in this remarkable space!

Oh, Hollywood, I LOVE what you used to be...



T-minus 24 hours, 2 minutes, and 43 seconds....

That's right, friends! Tomorrow is the big day! Millions of homes will be filled with the scents of Thanksgiving.  First time cooks will be burning their turkeys, making lumpy mashed potatoes, and opening up cans of cranberry slop...Newlweds will be proudly hosting their first Thanksgiving dinner party together as Mr. and Mrs. in their tiny, yet cozy new apartments...Grandparents will be waiting for their grandchildren to run in, begging for a taste of Grandma's secret recipe pumpkin pie before dinner, and jumping on Grandpa's back for piggy-back rides.... Ok....I'll stop watching Leave it to Beaver.... This year, like last, I will be cooking a massive Thanksgiving dinner for 20 people, though, not for my family, but for a client who will pick up at 3 pm..  Seeing as I work full day today, and I'm too stubborn in regards to the freshness of my food to have par-cooked, or starting any prep in advance, I, will be cooking through the night!  I do feel more prepared this year, than I did last, when I had a meltdown at right around 3:47 am when I had 4 dishes in the oven, 3 on the stove, and about 8 more to go, and realized there was no way I was gonna make it in time....somehow, it all came together, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen this year!

Yesterday my body decided to make life a bit more interesting than it already is, and keep me on my toes by giving me an Ocular Migraine - sounds cool, huh? Well...it's freaky!!!! I swore I was going blind, or daffy, or a combination of both, but it was the strangest thing I've experienced thus far! I had to rush myself to the Ophthalmologist before it got any worse and I couldn't see out my right eye, either - thinking to myslef that by the time I pulled into the office parking that I'd have my left eyeball in my hand...luckily, I got there in time, eye in socket. After the doctor checked me out, he told me that I was having an ocular migraine, which is some extreme migraine where the part of your brain that's effected is the section that controls your vision - which is why I was having these orbs and flashes and blurs all around.  Either way, I was relieved to find out that it was "just" a migraine, and that I wasn't going to need surgery or a glass eye, and I'm glad it happened yesterday and not today because cooking for 20 people, on a time crunch, with a horrendous headache and blurred vision does NOT a Happy Thanksgiving make!!!

Since I've been so busy the past few days, I haven't had a chance to blog anything worthwhile, so I'll leave you guys with a video of Thanksgiving disasters, and one about a simulated ocular migraine - they go hand-in-hand, no? Informative, if nothing else!  Have an amazing Thanksgiving, everyone, and no matter how disastrous or spectacular your turkey turns out, have fun with your friends and family - that's the part that really counts!

Gobble-gobble! =)

Don't let this happen to your Thanksgiving! ...

What IS IT?!!!!!!!!!

This abomination is what many people call "Cranberry Sauce" - other names for it are cranberry jelly, cranberry relish, cranberry dressing, or known to some kids as just, "Yuck!" - My guess is, the kids that are "yuck"-ing about cranberry sauce, most likely have the gelatinous, jiggly, cylindrical mystery product on their table, as seen to the left...  Personally, the only awesome thing about this product is the "shhlooophh" sound this thing makes when being released out of the can. Why would anyone want to eat this, other than while on a dare from a cruel friend?  Well, you shouldn't, and don't have to. Making cranberry sauce is probably one of the easiest things out there.  While my recipe is more likely considered a "relish", it's definitely delicious, and totally easy to make!

Cranberry Relish:
Ingredients:

1  twelve oz. bag of fresh cranberries

1/2 cup water

1/2 cup orange juice

1 3/4 cups sugar

2 tablespoons orange zest

1 teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

3/4 cup raisins

3/4 cup chopped pecans

Directions:

Cook the cranberries, sugar, orange juice, and water in a saucepan over low heat for about 5 minutes, or, until the cranberries begin to pop. Add the zest, cinnamon, salt, pepper, and raisins, and cook 15 more minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat and let cool to room temperature.  Once cooled, add the pecans, chill, and serve.

This is a very simple recipe, and can be adjusted according to taste.  I prefer a tarter relish, so I don't go too heavy on the sugar - I know some who will use up to 2 cups.  I like the tart bit the cranberries have against the turkey and all the fixin's... But again, if you prefer it sweeter, you can always add as much as you want.  Other additives you can use are small diced granny smith apples, dried cranberries, currants, diced dates, figs, crystallized ginger, fresh ginger, lime zest...the possibilities are endless! Just have fun with your ingredients and use what you like! 

Now, doesn't THIS look better than that "thing" above?!

Meleagris gallopavo....

No...it isn't a spell from Harry Potter... it means, TURKEY! Gobble, gobble my friends! We're quickly approaching mid-November, and by now, many of you are searching through old cookbooks, magazine articles, hand-written heirloom recipes and whatnot to find your Thanksgiving recipes...well, I've decided to post a few things here to make life easier.  Initially, I'm going to post just the Turkey, and one side....I will post more later...First off, I like to take the "maybe they just don't know?" approach to some things...cooking is one of them...so, in case you don't know...Turkey, should look like:      

THIS



NOT THIS


Let's start off with the star of the show...the Turkey.  Guys....this animal died for you to be able to give "thanks"... treat it with some respect?  Ya, there are countless new and creative cooking methods, from deep frying (see burnt picture), to sticking the whole thing on a beer can (can we at least spare the turkeys in Heaven a little and not shove a beer can up their butts?), to...dare I say... "Tofurkey"? I'm a traditionalist when it comes to this, so I'm going to roast my beautiful Turkey in the oven, like it should be. I'm not saying people haven't had success in other methods...this is just how I prefer mine.  I like to brine my turkey the day before the big meal.  Here is one of the recipes that I have used in the past, with success...



Brining liquid - Ingredients
Makes enough brine for one 18- to 20-pound turkey
7 quarts (28 cups) water
1 1/2 cups coarse salt
1/2 cup white granulated sugar
5 bay leaves
2 tablespoons whole coriander seeds
2 tablespoons whole black peppercorns
1 fresh whole turkey (18 to 20 pounds), patted dry, neck and giblets reserved for stock
1 bottle dry Riesling
2 medium onions, thinly sliced
1 medium orange, thinly cut into rounds
1 lemon, thinly cut into rounds
1 fennel bulb, thinly sliced (fronds aka leaves as well)
10 garlic cloves, crushed
1 bunch fresh thyme



- In a large stock pot, bring all the brining ingredients to a boil - let brine cool down thoroughly to room temperature (do not skip the cooling step - you don't want to par-cook your turkey!!!).  Once your brine is cool, submerge your turkey, carefully into the brine.  I find that using a large cooler is best for this, because I can carry it using the handles, close the top to avoid any pests getting in, and I don't have to run around the house trying to find a larger than usual stock pot! But, use what works best for you, just be sure to cover it and keep it somewhere safe overnight. On Thanksgiving morning, remove the turkey from the brine, give it a quick rinse, inside, and out, and pat it dry. Rub the outside with herbed butter (use whatever herbs you like)...I like to stuff extra slices of lemon, garlic cloves, celery, and carrots inside the cavity, loosely - I don't like over-stuffing it, or actually stuffing it with "stuffing mix", because it doesn't cook as evenly - I just scatter the lemon, garlic, etc. loosely...


- Set the rack at the lowest position in your oven, and preheat to 400°F.. Roast for one hour, then lower the temp to 350. A properly cooked bird is done when a thermometer inserted into the thickest part, usually the leg, reads 165.  Another indicator is when the juices run clear, when pricked. To further help with the cooking guidelines, here's a link to the USDA's site and information about cooking turkey: http://www.fsis.usda.gov/Factsheets/Lets_Talk_Turkey/index.asp   



                                                 

Green Bean Casserole  

Yields 6 Servings

-note- typically, I make my own cream of mushroom, but for the same of making things easier for the everyday cook, I've listed a canned cream of mushroom soup on here - if you're still interested in making it from scratch, just ask!

 

Ingredients

1/3 stick butter

1/2 cup diced yellow onions

1/2 cup sliced fresh mushrooms

2 cups sliced green beans

3 cups chicken broth or stock

1 (10 3/4-ounce) can cream of mushroom soup

1 (2.8-ounce) can French-fried onion rings

Pinch salt and black pepper

Pinch nutmeg

6-8 slices bacon, crisped, diced

1 cup grated White Cheddar or Gruyere cheese

Directions

-Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

-Melt the butter in a large skillet. Saute the onions and mushrooms in the butter. Boil green beans in chicken broth for 10 minutes and drain. Add the green beans, mushroom soup, onion rings, and House Seasoning, to taste, to the onion mixture. Stir well.
-Pour into a greased 1 1/2-quart baking dish. Bake for 20 minutes, then top the casserole with the Cheddar and bacon and bake for 10 minutes longer, or until the casserole is hot and cheese is melted.

Fashion and Taste...Going, Going, Long Gone!!!

We've been taken over by some strange phenomenon over the past 40-50 years. Some alien being has come down to Earth, and told people that ugly, trashy, cheap, confusing, inexplicable, and bizarre "clothing" is fashion-forward. And what's worse is that some are actually praised for donning these atrocious attire! It's mind-boggling! Take, for example, the following picture...

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?! And before you wonder...no, they weren't dressed for Halloween, and no, neither one of them are homeless.  They're "singers" - Pepto with green platic cap, and hobo-chic cult leader...in flip-flops. These are the "celebrities" that young, blossoming, impressionable future-fashionistas have to look up to.... WE . ARE . SCREWED.



What ever happened to...... ?!?!?

Now, I'm not at all implying that I'm dripping in Coco-Chanel, prim, proper, and always pulled together - heck...I live in my leggings! But, I just worry about what some consider "fashion" and the kudos they're given for being so "clever and avante-garde" - I don't get it, I refuse to get it.  This isn't to say that there hasn't been any tasteful fashion in recent times...we've had plenty, but again, for some reason, those always get overshadowed by the train-wreck, shock value "fashion statements" that we have to deal with.  Oh, Audrey...

Mac 'n Diamonds...

Last night, we got mac 'n cheese wasted... this morning, I wake up to the biggest yellow pear-shaped diamond in the world. I haven't even come down from my glutenous, buttery, cheesy high, and I'm blinded by the Sun-Drop Diamond - I feel like I'm on a fluffy cloud, wrapped in cashmere, smelling of morning dew and daisies, surrounded by cute little cherubs, carrying me into Heaven. 

So, I wouldn't feel right jumping right into the Sun-Drop without covering the mac 'n cheese from last night, first. The Mornay sauce was great. The added parmesan and paprika I used gave it a nice nezty kick. The bacon layer in the mac 'n cheese was also amazing, though I'm sure we could have used a bit more bacon....after all, there's no such thing as too much bacon, or diamonds....I digress. You'll see here, the sauce came out super thick, rich, and creamy - all attributed to using the right amount of roux needed to thicken it up:



How 6 people were able to put away so much mac 'n cheese, not to mention hot wings on the side, is a mystery to me! This puppy weighed in at a very happy, healthy 14 pounds - yes...we weighed it. As would any gushing mother, I was quite proud of my little creation...here's a pic of my baby:

As do most of our Foodie nights, the meal ended in food comas, hallucinations, regret, confusion, and yet, the usual phrase of  "I can't believe I ate that much, I'm gonna die...there is dessert, right?" - yes....yes there was dessert....there almost always is. Why we do this to ourselves, we will never know, but it's our once a week insanity - the boys usually end up throwing someone on the phone, standing on their stomachs, hoping to induce vomit - tossing around a football after being reminded countless times that there is a sleeping baby upstairs, and the girls look at the kitchen (refer back to the regret mentioned earlier) thinking, why did we do this again? All in all, no matter how sick we feel at the end of the night, it's a close-knit family and it's one of the best traditions we've started.

THE DIAMOND!!!!!!



The excitement on the hand model's face irritates me. I want to slap her with my 14 pound mac 'n cheese. Why are you so happy?! It's not yours! IT SHOULD BE MINE!!!! This woman needs to watch her back because I'm going to hurt her if I ever see her...even though she doesn't own that puppy, she touched it. I hate her!

Is there such a thing as "too much cheese"???

Tonight, is Foodies night. Tonight, we're doin' it big - huge! Tonight, we eat mac 'n cheese, baby! Oh....hot wings, too, but let's get to the star of the show - the beautiful, the glamorous, the sexy, macaroni and cheese. Doesn't saying it just make you feel better?

So, in my opinion, it's virtually impossible to have a GOOD mac 'n cheese without a proper Bechamel.  Bechamel is a French "mother sauce" (whose original roots are actually of Italian origin), which consists of butter and flour (a roux), milk, and a slice of onion, pricked with a clove (onion pique). I usually tend to leave the onion out, when cooking for myself. But....where's the cheese?? Calm down! It's coming, yeesh! At this point in the game, we have a Bechamel - you can use this mother sauce in countless dishes - it's used as the base of Alfredo sauce, the Greeks use it in Moussaka, the French use it to top a decadent Croque Monsieur...it goes on and on. Adding cheese to the Bechamel turns it into a Mornay sauce, which is just a fancy term for....well....cheese sauce!!!  There you have it - a pretty detailed background on something quite simple, but yet so hard to perfect!

Countless ingredients can be added to mac 'n cheese - anywhere from peas, carrots, corn, sausage, jalapenos, lobster, mushrooms, chicken, scallions, crab, bacon - oh my! .....wait....did I just? Yes....yes I did - bacon <drooooooool> - tonight....I use bacon <bows in response to applause>.  I will be making quite a big batch tonight, and usually when making larger batches of anything, it tends to get a bit tricky - let's hope this comes out great! I mean...we have butter, we have cheese, we have pasta, and we have the God of all meats, bacon - how could it NOT be perfect?!

For your reference (or eye candy/entertainment), I've included a video of Chef Gordon Ramsay demonstrating a simple cheese sauce, like the one I've mentioned above. If this doesn't make you want to go home and make this right away, I don't know what will! Bon Appetit!

Recipe Arsenal...

If the only culinary knowledge you have is making reservations... this, is one of THE things EVERY person should know how to make. Perfectly delicious, roasted chicken... Ina makes it pretty simple for anyone to make. Check out her video...

I'm a fraud!

Happy Birthday, Butter & Lace! Cooji, cooji, coo! My blog was born on a chilly Monday morning, after a rain-soaked weekend. I love days like this - it's cool, it's crisp, humidity still lingers in the air... it's weather that just begs for you to be sitting next to a roaring fire, with a big mug of hot tea, and endless yummy indulgences that keep you so blissful. Well... that isn't going to happen. In fact, that hasn't been happening for the past 3, going on 4 weeks now.  "Why?", you ask? Well...I had this bright idea about a month ago to "get healthy".... I know. The word disgusts me, too. I mean - "healthy" - what does it mean?! Apparently, after weeks of research, I've discovered it means eating balanced meals, full of nutrients, sans processed foods, fats, sugars, presevatives, etc.  So in a nutshell, being healthy, means being sad and pathetic. Oh well, c'est la vie, oui?  NO!  Au contraire, mon frere! Healthy doesn't have to be sad and pathetic! I'm not going to say it's been easy.

I'm a Coke (cola) whore... on a "light" day, I could easily down 3 cans... you don't want to know what my bad days consisted of. Somehow, with the aid of spices, herbs, lemon, lime, and bulbs of garlic, my taste buds have be riding the border of tolerable, and at times, even enjoyable! We'll see how long this lasts. Thankfully, we (myself and my best friend who is enduring this journey with me) allow ourselves a "cheat meal" a week, where it's no holds barred. Anything goes.  We feel like that keeps us sane enough for the remainder of the week, and gives us something to look forward to so we don't have to cheat along the way. It's our "Foodies" nights, where 6/7 really close friends get together and either cook a great meal, or order take out from new places, eat, and play games/hang out.

I do feel at times like I've abandoned my culinary roots... like now, food is just survival.  Cooking is just heating something to the proper temp to avoid poisoning and death.  My culinary degree stares at me every night as I sleep, shouting "Fraud! Charlatan! Impostor!!!!" in its French accent.  Shut up, Pierre! I haven't abandoned you! I'll figure this thing out and we'll be happy, once again! Thanksgiving's quickly approaching....God, help me!